happy mother's day!

uma - 17 months

to all the super mama's..... thank you for your selfless service!

not one little bit

the sun did not shine. it was too wet to play. so we sat in the house all that cold, cold, wet day. i sat there with uma. we sat there, we two. and i said, "how i wish we had something to do." to wet to go out and too cold to play ball. so we sat in the house. we did nothing at all. so all we could do was to sit! sit! sit! sit! and we did not like it. not one little bit. -- dr. seuss

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since we moved to chicago the end of january the weather has been basically cold, wet, grey, windy and unforgiving. the wind is relentless! the first three weeks we were here the sun shone for a total of 11 minutes. yes, that's right! 11 minutes!

i seriously don't know how people live in such conditions.

i gotta get out of here!!

the winner!

uma - the 16 month old yogini

thanks yoga gumbo! :)

all

i've always had a hard time of letting it all go. emotionally....metaphorically and otherwise. i guess i'm afraid of what will happen if i do.

in the case of letting go of all of my clothes i didn't sell any of them. not one!

now i'm really confused.

winds of change

the winds of change are blowing strong again. we're moving to chicago! tomorrow we're having a baby sale to lighten our load. as i was sorting thru everything i realized i should get rid of my maternity clothes, and those in between size clothes, and those cool shoes i never wear, and all those other clothes i say i'm going to wear but never do.... and then all of a sudden i got the idea.... i emptied everything out of my closet and decided to put it all up for sale. i did hold onto four pairs of shoes, my new ugg boots, four pairs of pants i somehow couldn't bare to part with, a few yoga clothes and three coats... but everything else is officially up for sale. kind of wacky when i think about it but also quite freeing.

one

uma - one year old!

i'm fired

back in the day when i was a production manager for commercials, my motto was to get the right person for the job. if you need graphic design work, hire a graphic designer. if you're working on a commercial with food, hire a food stylist. need talent? hire a casting director... you get my point. although there is the temptation to save a buck and try and do it yourself or get a production assistant to "step up," this was usually a recipe for disaster.

and so i can say that i am not the right person for the job when it comes to being a stay at home mom. i just can't do it full time. part time sure. being a mama sure. but being a full time SAHM is going to break me.

the fact is that i would NEVER willing pick working with kids as a profession. it's not on my radar or in my DNA. my hat goes off to all those who are teachers and nannies and day care professionals. you're a better person then I.

i'm offically firing myself.

chi town

we've been to chicago before but would like some new thoughts/insight on ...

ashtanga classes?

indian or veg restaurants?

anything we must see/do?

we'll be staying in evanston, a suburb north of the city, near northwestern university.

:)

red headed step child

today was it. my last class teaching. for now. i am relieved but there is also sadness. the tide here has turned to a more free form interpretation that i do not understand or relate to. my experience, my voice, of a more traditional ashtanga was not well received.

i feel like the past several years i have experienced the extremes of ashtanga. just do it vs. get all heady. vinyasa vs. alignment. no pain no gain vs. excuses. correct method vs. free form. the one thing that has been consistent is that i have never felt quite happy in either experience. it is a nagging frustration.

i guess i am the red headed step child trying to find my way.

and so it goes.

"home"

during savasana today i had this strong feeling that i wanted to go "home." the strange thing is that i have absolutely no idea where "home" is. it certainly isn't where i live now or even where i've lived in the past. if only i knew where this place is...